The pain of famiy loss exasserbated by beaurocratic red tape

Recently an old friend lost her son-in-law and grandson to a house fire. The circumstances were sad and more so due to the fact that the grandson was a Down's Syndrome young man. The fire woke the family in the wee hours and the father (DJ) managed to get most of the kids out when it was realized that Tyrone was in fact still in the home. DJ went back in to get Tyrone and sadly, neither made it out alive.  There were several witnesses to the circumstances surrounding the deaths of DJ and Tyrone yet, autopsies were requested (autopsies have always been a frowned upon by the Navajo people). There was a fundraiser at the Baca Chapter House (Navajo Community Center) near Prewitt. I attended to lend a bit of moral support to Nancy and her family in their time of loss. 

DJ's employer made a short speech as  did some of his co-workers, several tribe members made commentary on the character of DJ and the loving father to Tyrone and all his children he was.

Then a tribal representative made the appeal to help with the final costs involved and explained the circumstances of the arrangements. First, the coroner must release the bodies after the autopsies which could take up to 2 weeks. Then and only after the release of the bodies can any arrangements be made. Then because of new restrictions at the cemetery in Grants, vaults in addition to caskets must be purchased. The plots must be purchased as well. The family can get no help from Social Security until they provide birth certificates (lost in the fire) or any other documentation proving identity ( all lost in fire). The funeral home will not make arrangements until the bodies are released. The family is staying with other family members and the community has stepped forward to assist with food and clothing but it still seems to me that too much red tape is involved to help this family get by the details and on with their lives.

I guess that as a genealogist I am used to the concept of copies of documents such as birth certificates and marriage licenses. That is part of why I have written today. To remind everyone that when you can, you should order from your location of birth or marriage (ie. county or state agency) at least 1 extra certified copy of birth certificate or marriage license. Have a near relative or safe deposit box to keep them in. In such emergency situations , ask yourself if you lost all in your home or were not allowed to search through it , would you be able to get documentation to get new drivers licenses or social security cards or benefits? Would you be able to deposit or withdraw form accounts? Where are your financial papers, life insurance papers, records, family contacts? Would you be able to function with the little you may have on your person at that kind of tragic time?

We have fireproof (not just flame resistant) gun safes that have old photos, documents and legal papers, 1 in the house and 2 in the garage. They are supposed to withstand fires up 3500* for 30 minutes which as fast as homes actually go up in flames, that should be sufficient. Our home nor garage are so large that they would burn that hot for more than a few minutes.

After a tragedy like this one has time to reflect on what they should could or would do in similar circumstances. The best advice I can offer , be prepared and have a well thought out schedule of what to do in each of several scenarios. Also, consider a list of all your online stuff. Does someone have access to what business you conduct online? Do they know which utilities are paid automatically and which you have to enter each month? Is there anyone with your passwords that can get to your accounts to take care of business as needed? Some very important things to consider about your life that you can take care of. Things that will be taken care of no matter who may be left to take care of details. A plan that can be set in motion no matter the severe emotional distress you may be dealing with.  

Wind settling down

The wind has been horrible the pas few days. Yesterday was the worst in a long while. Our little greenhouse that my nephew Christopher was hoping to utilize later this spring was blown away...really, it is now mostly torn up and sitting up against an apple tree about 300 feet from where it was positioned. It was a small 10'X10' but we had put a lot of work in it.

Our neighbors trampoline was also relocated to being up against a fence about 200' from original position. The sand was so thick you couldn't see but just few hundred feet at times. Tumbleweeds the size of my little car were rolling all over the place. We will have to see what we can selvage from the greenhouse and if it could be feasible to try to rebuild. I guess I can continue to use the garden tub in our master bathroom for a greenhouse. I can start a few plants like tomatoes and peppers. The acrylic block windows in that corner of the house work well for getting plenty of light in there.

This morning it is nice and calm and beautiful. Ready to go to church and give praise for such a glorious day.

Almost a week into Lent

Today I am contemplating the concept of giving something up for Lent. This year, I did not give anything up but a little free time. My Lenten promise is to prayerfully read from either the Bible or one of the many recently acquired e-books that are associated with my Catholic faith. My Lenten promise is to hopefully come out the other end of these 40 days with a more clear understanding of my faith and perhaps even a goal of stewardship that I can achieve.

As someone that has only been back to practicing my faith a few years, I'd like to share my journey back to the church with others that, like myself, fell away from the church and may have reservations about returning. There was a wonderful lady at Holy Family of Nazareth Parish in Irving, TX that was instrumental in my return  to the church.
I must also add that Catholic Radio on XM was also part of that process. At any rate, Patricia was like me, she had been away from the church for many years and returned. She had been back about 10-12 years when I had met her. Just the fact that we shared that similar experience of straying and then returning gave us a special bond.

She said she was grooming me to be her replacement, she had several health issues facing her. I could not be her replacement at that Parish but with what she taught me, perhaps I could start a similar ministry here in my area now that I have moved back to New Mexico.

Using Lent as a medium for increasing my knowledge for such an endeavor is more in line with what Lent was described as by our Priest. Not to necessarily give something up, unless you continue past Lent and it affords you the opportunity to grow in your faith.

Paper Announcements

As an avid genealogist, when I have time, I appreciate the old tradition of mailing out announcements to family and friends. Having announcements posted the local newspapers was also a way of relaying information about life's events. Announcements like, births, graduations, marriages, military service or other milestones in someone's life that may be noteworthy. It seems people do not do the old mailings like they did years ago. That's o.k.. Often digital media is the currency of family information.

 As the older generation (my parents) are disappearing, the contacts of the "cousins" is certainly not what it was for the "brothers and sisters". I try to keep up with some cousins but as they become parents and grandparents their family lines become more focused on their particular branch. That is also understandable. For someone that is not a genealogist, those more distant branches become more and more blurred and less important

As my nephew and his fiancé were preparing to get their wedding announcement  mailing list put together, I realized that there are probably many of my 1st cousins that have no idea who my nephew is. Likewise he has no idea who some of the people I suggested for his mailing list are. His Grandmother's brothers family, his Grandfather's sisters kids, his (deceased) dad's cousins are included on this list.

There are many cousins that I realize I do not know much about their lives. Mom always got the wedding, graduation and birth announcements from her brothers families. After I became and adult and moved away, I only heard about these events if mom remembered to tell me about what mail she had received or I had any sort of close connection with a particular cousin. I guess it is inevitable that each generation moves farther and farther apart.

Now that I have moved back to Grants, NM, a small town, I hear stories of how this person found out after being neighbors for years that they were actually related. Cases like this one's grandmother was sister to that one's grandmother. Being far removed from most of my parents families that is not going to happen here. Also, most of my husband's family is far away. His son's maternal family is around central and eastern New Mexico so could possibly run into an unknown relative on his tree.

I guess I am just on my little rant because I do not receive announcements and now that mom is very advanced in age, she does not either. I am also ashamed that our little family has not been a bigger part of my parents extended families. Time, distance, education and economics make a difference in how people stay in touch it seems.